


The Unexpected Visitor

by LaDemonessa



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Humor, M/M, None - Freeform, Senslash Fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 01:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaDemonessa/pseuds/LaDemonessa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A unexpected visitor arrives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Unexpected Visitor

**Author's Note:**

> For Robs, the wicked Bitch from Down Under who laughed her arse off at this particularly disgusting premise you sad, sad people are about to read. Here's to fucking with people's heads, babe.

## The Unexpected Visitor

by JA Ingram

email: cjjingram@wildblue.net or cjjingram@yahoo.com

Author's disclaimer: Did you know that PetFly was owned by Paramount? Heh, it's good to know that I can still make fun of MooreRon even though this ain't treksmut. 

* * *

The Unexpected Visitor  
By JA Ingram  
Sentinel J/B PG-13 humor so fucking deal 

Oh. My. Gawd. 

This was not good. 

This was bad on _SOOOOOO_ many levels. 

If I survive this total brain fart I am currently in the midst of having, I swear to God I will dedicate my life to charity and shit like that. 

Fuck. 

Blair's mouth hung open as he watched his partner bend over--again--his white jeans straining against his muscular backside. 

It wasn't the fact that Jim was wearing white jeans that had him shocked, although that alone was worth a head scratch. It wasn't even his cute ass that had him spooked, even though it usually called for a package adjustment of the male kind. No, it wasn't anything remotely attractive or manly that had Blair spooked as hell. 

In fact, what had caught his attention was fairly disgusting. He was a man of the world, he knew what went on in the ladies room, and he'd been there for the less delicate aspects of womanhood. Hell, his mother made him sit in the grocery cart with her oversize package of environmentally safe tampons when he was five! He was well aware of what a period was and what they involved... 

...with women that is. 

Blair swallowed convulsively. There had to be some sort of mistake here. Maybe he sat on something, but---oh shit. There was that time last month when he did the laundry. He didn't think much of it then, after all Jim did get shot...although he didn't get it in the ass and that's what made it stand out in his mind at the time. 

He rubbed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. There, on the back of Jim Ellison's starched, pristinely white jeans was a 'spot'. A very particular kind of spot that a man who had been raised by the most open minded single mom who actually bought him a plastic vibrating vagina as a birthday present when he was fifteen recognized instantly. 

Jim had an unexpected visitor. Aunt Tilly had come to town. The river was a'flowin'! 

Jim had gotten his _gulp_ period. 

He shuddered to himself but continued to watch Jim's progress around the office with the sick fascination one would feel when passing a particularly gory car wreck. Not too many people were in the office yet, but the few who were had already noticed and were snickering to themselves as they sipped coffee from cheap styrofoam cups. 

Surprisingly enough, Jim hadn't noticed even with his sentinel hearing. Oblivious to everything he continued to gather up files, paperclips, and over sweetened donuts as though nothing out of the ordinary was happening. 

There had to be another explanation for this...event. Men just didn't _do_ that sort of thing! Maybe he had hemorrhoids? No, he'd have noticed by now. They did share a bathroom after all. Maybe...maybe...oh yuck, this was not the sort of thing you thought about at seven am. This was not a guy sort of thing here! One of the best parts about being a man was that you didn't do that! Men get to piss standing up, fart indiscriminately, and they do NOT get a period! 

The horror of it all. 

Jim sat down at his desk and groaned slightly as he rubbed his stomach, suddenly eyeing his donut with distaste. Oh shit, he was cramping, Blair thought panicked. He should have known that Jim had PMS! Sure enough, if he thought about it--yeah, every 28 days Jim got into a pissy ass mood, cleaned everything, complained about his cooking, and then wound up getting shot or doing the laundry himself. 

Ew. 

Just as he had that disturbing thought though, Jim dropped his pencil and bent over to retrieve it, his denim covered rump nearly bumping into Blair's face. 

Oh man, too much information!!! RUN!!! 

Megan walked past them then did a spit take. Without even considering the possibilities she rushed forward and whispered something into Jim's ear. The Sentinel blushed furiously, looked around then got up, Megan close behind him guarding his rear. Blair pretended to be deeply engrossed in the latest pamphlet on road rage he had snatched from the visitor's desk. Oy vey, what did this mean? 

If Jim had a period then he had...parts. Y'know, parts. Parts that did things that men don't like to talk about. 

In his ass. 

Oh god, the images that twisted his brain! The humanity! 

If Jim, big macho Jimbo, had the bits and pieces that made things...y'know, do stuff then he technically might be able to...to... 

A sudden vision came to him: There he was, in a waiting room. A doctor came out and handed him a baby. Words came out of the doctor's mouth as if from a tape player with low batteries. 

"Congraaaaaatulations Miiiiiiisssssster Sssssandbuuuuuurg, you have a giiiiirrrllllll....." 

And there, in the bundle of pink blankets was a squalling little infant who had Jim's head pasted on like a really bad Weekly World News picture. The kind of picture that would have a caption like: MAN GIVES BIRTH! BABY AND DADDY DOING WELL! 

Y'know, of all the drawbacks to fucking a man, this was one he'd never counted on. Now what did he do? Did they make birth control for this kind of thing? What if the condom broke? Before he'd had a buffer zone. His previous lovers who had been in possession of girlie bits always doubled up the precautions with pills or implants or IUDs. How do you have this discussion with another guy? Hey Jim, your period isn't late is it? Maybe we should talk options, pal. 

Fucked. He was so entirely fucked. 

Jim came back into the office with a shirt tied around his waist, blushing slightly. "Um, I have to go home and change, okay?" 

"Uh sure," Blair gulped squeamishly. 

H came over towards them and put a comforting hand on Jim's shoulder, "Hey, accidents happen. I have some extra pads in my desk." 

Jim shook his head, "Thanks but Megan fixed me up. Besides, I use tampons." 

"Have you guys used those new super absorbent ones from Stud?" Rafe asked with a grin. 

"I'm a kotex man myself," H announced proudly. 

"Before my hysterectomy I used the kind with velcro," Simon offered as he walked towards his office. 

"Wha-wha-what are you people talking about?" Blair looked from one man to another in confusion. 

Jim shook his head and tapped his lips discreetly, "Shh! Blair hasn't ever...you know." 

Megan's eyes widened in shock, "At his age?? Has he been tested?" 

"Daryl was a late bloomer," Simon shrugged as he reached for his doorknob. 

"But-but men don't get periods!" he shouted. 

"Plug it up Sandy!" Megan cried as she threw a handful of tampons toward Blair. 

"PLUG IT UP! PLUG IT UP! PLUG IT UP!" The whole bullpen erupted in feminine hygiene products as Blair screamed. Within seconds he was being buried alive in a sea of OB. 

"Feel your feminine side," Jim sneered just as everything went black. 

* * *

"Blair?" 

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!" Blair screamed as he jumped off the couch, his chest heaving in fear. 

Jim looked at him calmly and blinked, "Are you coming to bed or what? This is the second time you've fallen asleep during this dumb movie marathon you insisted we watch." 

Blair looked at the TV where the shower scene from Carrie was still playing. He took a shuddering breath, "I was asleep?" 

"Yeah, doh," Jim rolled his eyes and walked towards the stairs. "Come up when you're ready, okay?" 

"Okay," Blair sighed. "Hey Jim?" 

"Yeah?" the other man asked as he turned back towards his partner. 

"Uh, is there anything you need to tell me...about, y'know, stuff?" Blair stuttered. 

"Stuff? Y'know, being away from college is atrophying your brain." 

"Like, I mean, how your body...works?" Blair reddened with humiliation. 

"Aw hell Chief, if you don't know by now how that works then my technique is for shit!" Jim guffawed then headed upstairs, "C'mon studly, Sex Ed 101 starts in ten minutes." 

Blair turned of the TV and followed Jim. He knew it had been a dream, but with all the weird shit he'd been through in the last few years there was no way he was leaving anything to chance. Even if it took the rest of the night he was planning on giving his favorite sentinel a thorough physical. And how! 

<grin>

The End (although that is probably a very poor choice of words in light of the current subject. Mea Culpa.) 


End file.
